Introducing a Toy into Playtime
Sex toys are often seen as tools to enhance solo play, specifically female solo play. This means a lot, and we mean a lot, of people believe sex toys aren’t for male bodies or for couples. In fact, a lot of dialogue around toys sounds pretty insulting: “You shouldn’t need a toy if you know what you’re doing.” But the research is clear, sex toys are designed to enhance sexual satisfaction for all people.
Why Do I Need A Sex Toy?
You might be wondering why anyone would want to use a sex toy with their partner when you already have hands, a mouth, and all the other parts that provide pleasure. Well, let us welcome you to a whole world of fun that can be achieved when incorporating toys into partnered play!
First things first: There’s no shame in trying something new.
Exploration and a sense of adventure is an important part of keeping your relationship thriving and maintaining passion long term. Introducing a sex toy into play with your partner can be a great way to add more excitement to your relationship while doing something new together to deepen your bond.
Plus, a sex toy can offer new sensations, new pleasurable techniques, and even ways to achieve an orgasm that you may have never thought possible before. Did you know, 60-75% of people with vulvas cannot orgasm from penetration alone? This means vibrators and toys that stimulate the external part of the clitoris are especially useful during partnered, penetrative sex.
So, even if sex with your partner is great without toys, they can be just another exciting yet simple way to play together. Toys provide an opportunity to discover potential new angles, added stimulation, and the excitement of sharing a new experience with your partner.
Is There a Perfect Toy For First Timers?
Introducing a sex toy in partnered play for the first time can be intimidating. There are so many toys available on the market, from magic wands and G-Spot vibrators to couples' massagers. But if you're keen to explore the world of new sensations and heightened mutual pleasure, then there is one tried and true toy for first-time users—a vibrator!
Personal vibrators are small, hand-held vibrators (either battery-operated or rechargeable) that can be used externally to stimulate various erogenous zones on your body. Use your imagination, the sky is the limit here!
Vibrators can be made from plastic, stainless steel, or silicone for a more realistic skin-like feeling. Also known as personal massagers, most vibrators have multiple vibration settings, ranging from mild to intense, and even offer a multitude of vibration sequence combinations.
There is a diverse array of vibrators on the market, from lipstick tube-sized bullet vibrators to wand massagers as large as a curling iron. They are often waterproof, and some are even digital-friendly and connect to your phone. There is truly a version for every desire.
How To Use a Vibrator
When it comes time to indulge in some quality partnered play with a toy, ensure you are set up for success. Always make sure your vibe has fresh batteries, or if it's battery-operated, remember to charge it prior to play (according to its instructions). Nothing is quite as frustrating as having to stop playtime mid-session to charge up a dead battery. Especially when it’s totally avoidable!
If this is your very first time using a toy, go slowly. Experiment with how the vibe feels on different parts of your or your partner's body. Start by feeling the gentle vibration on the back of your neck, and then let the vibrator gently travel down to your collarbone, then even lower to your shoulders. Trace a path down the inner part of your arm, paying extra attention to the area of your wrists. This gradual introduction gives your body time to acclimate to the new sensation.
Begin rolling the vibe across your and your partner’s favorite erogenous zones. You can let the toy do all the work, or you can supplement the vibrations with your fingers and mouth.
Other more surprising places where the vibe may feel great are the abdominal area, behind the knees, and the inner thighs. Enjoy exploring how different the sensations feel on each body part. This is the perfect time to figure out which places are the most pleasurable for you.
Arya Tip: After you're done exploring, always make sure to clean your vibrator with a sex toy cleaner or warm soapy water.
What If My Partner Is Hesitant?
Let’s say you are down with the idea of trying toys with your partner, but they are hesitant. What can you do? We suggest framing your adventure into sex toys as a team effort to expand your sexual repertoire. Open the lines of communication with your partner and ask why they have hesitations. Often you can alleviate their toy anxiety by assuring them that they’re a fabulous lover with or without toys. It can also help to give them factual information on sex toys if they’re misinformed, explaining how this can enhance pleasure for both of you and strengthen your relationship. Helping your partner build comfort and familiarity with toys takes time, so go slow. This is a journey, not a race.
