We have all been there.
You’re excited about trying something new, but you don’t know how to get your partner on your level. Our team of Arya relationship experts has put together a cheat sheet to help you get the conversation started and avoid any hurdles along the way.

Sex and intimacy are complicated. When we enter a relationship or have sex with our partners we come with a lot of existing “relationship wiring” that may (or may not) work harmoniously with our partners’ particularities. Cultural backgrounds, bad break-ups, family dynamics, and so much more influence our ability to love and be loved in different ways.

More times than not, our partners’ past experiences differ from our own in important ways. This can cause our brain’s relationship wiring to misfire, go into overdrive, or send out the equivalent of an “error” message when partners want something different than we do.

If you and your partner struggle, or just avoid, conversations about changing things up in the bedroom (or the relationship as a whole), the thought of bringing up Arya may cause a bit of anxiety. That’s totally normal!

Take a breath, look at the suggestions below, and let’s find the option that works best for you and your partner.

1. Tell them Arya is about experimenting together

• Arya is all about building couples into erotic and intimate collaborators! We customize user experiences to tap into both partners desires and needs.

• Avoid framing Arya as a “relationship fixer” or “like therapy.” We are a new kind of service that helps ignite passion and connection between partners, but without the intense interventions you’d experience in a therapist’s office. Instead, we give couples new skills, techniques, and toys with expert guidance and spicy content to keep them entertained and excited to play!

2. Tell them why you are excited to join Arya with them!

• Whether you’re hoping to discover new sources of eroticism in or outside of 😉 the bedroom, or you’re ready to dive into new depths of your intimate connection, let your partner know!

• Importantly: Ask your partner what would make them excited about joining Arya with you! Make sure you emphasize their pleasure and interest in experimenting with you.

• Lean into the conversation and build on what each other is excited about…maybe even talk about some fantasy scenarios while you’re at it.

3. Keep it light and fun

• Arya is about exploration and playing with your partner, so set the tone of the conversation to be exciting—maybe even a little saucy. That way, they’ll also have a better idea of what to expect once you’re on our app!

• Humor is a plus! One of the best parts of trying new things with your partner is laughing along the way. As long as the jokes are in camaraderie, and not at your partner’s or your relationship’s expense, we always recommend letting out the giggles as you embark on this journey together.

4. Avoid framing your relationship or your partner as a problem.

• If they’re concerned as to why you would want to try this, circle back to Arya being a collaboration as well as an exploration. It’s not about your relationship being in trouble or your partner having “a problem.” It’s about trying something new.

5. Don’t get defensive.

Often, partners feel threatened, angry, frustrated, sad, insecure, or unheard…

• when each partner wants something different

• when partners don’t understand why their significant other wants something different to begin with

• or even when partners want the same thing but one partner seems more invested in it than the other.

• It’s OK to have different opinions, emotions, or desires than your partner. In fact, accepting differences in personalities is fundamental to being in a healthy relationship. If they want something different or differently than you, remember: Arya helps couples with different “relationship wiring” connect their circuitries rather than asking couples to focus on one person’s desires over the other.

6. Your boxes and content are customized…for both of you!

• Remind your partner that the guidance and box items are better when they are personalized to both partners’ feedback.

• One of Arya’s most unique features is that we utilize your onboarding questionnaire and feedback to curate your experience especially for you and your partner. From giving you insight into your distinct erotic personas, to shaping your journey to accommodate your personal goals and experience levels, Arya is at its best when we can create a unique platform just for you and your partner.

7. Schedule a date night and SHOW them what Arya is!

• Though it’s always better to have both partners communicate their needs and personal preferences beforehand, sometimes your partner just needs to experience an Arya Scene first before getting hooked. Join Arya, get your first box, and guide your partner through a night of pleasure and connection.

• Don’t worry: We’ll make sure you feel confident before leading the Scene or using any of the box items. You’ll have access to our guides, expert videos, immersive erotica, and so much more!

8. Still unsure about how to explain Arya?

Here are some ways that our current users have described their experiences:

• “It’s an experience that deepens connection and opens opportunities in the bedroom that you might really enjoy — it’s fun knowing that there’s still so many new things that we haven’t tried.” J, 31

• “We’ve never done anything like Arya before. It put a spark in our marriage and relationship and really opened us up to new things. We’re finding out who our true selves are physically and what we really like. It’s been awesome.” T, 42

• "It was like having an accountability buddy, reminding you to set some time aside for yourselves.“ J, 37

• "We couldn't wait for our next Scene! ...I liked the mystery!“ M, 28

• “Watching someone that I have so much love and respect for, try something outside of her comfort zone was such a turn on."  A, 32

• “We love the Arya concierge! You just tell her “this is what I want” and then she makes it happen. It’s just so easy.” S, 35