Breath Play & Erotic Spanking
Why do you crave taboo?
Doing ‘taboo’ things in the bedroom can give you a thrilling sense of edge and adventure in your sexual experiences — It can feel liberating and exciting. Doing something a little ‘risky’ with your partner may make you feel more connected, boosting your intimacy and trust.
Safewords are a MUST
These are non-sexual words to alert your partner when you’re not having a good time, if something hurts, or if you need to stop the Scene. For this type of play, words may not be an option. Set up a plan for non-verbal safeword indicators like tapping your partner three times, raising your hand, or letting go of your partner’s arm (this is especially good during light choking).
Erotic Spanking
On a physical level, spanking delivers a stimulating adrenaline rush, activating your sympathetic nervous system and releasing happy hormones like endorphins and oxytocin (feelings of euphoria).
Have an open-minded and honest conversation with your partner.
Erotic spanking conversation starters:
“I think spanking you would be very sexy… do you want to try it?”
“I’d love it if you’d spank me a little bit during sex… would this turn you on?”
“Hey babe, it would turn me on so much if you spanked me during foreplay… what do you think?”
Bottom Pleasure Zones
There are four different play zones for your bottom spanking pleasure — the top of your bottom/lower back, the sides of your bottom (close to your hips), the underside of your buttcheeks, and the middle section horizontally across the center of your bottom.
If you’re new to erotic spanking, stick to the lower part of the bottom (buttcheeks) and upper thighs.
Never spank someone directly on their spine or tailbone.
If you have a spot that feels terrible when slapped or spanked, tell your partner. These ‘red zones’ should be avoided or should only receive softer spanks. Arya Tip: Move around the different zones — this gives your partner a break from a potential tender spot and adds an element of surprise to your experience.
If you get bored with traditional ‘hand-spanking’, try incorporating an impact item such as a belt, wooden spoon, or spatula.
Map of Slap
Begin by warming up the spanking area with gentle rubbing and massaging
Talk naughty with your partner to heighten their arousal
Start lightly spanking and mix it with caressing and soft squeezing
As their tolerance and satisfaction grow, add in harder slaps and alternate them with gentle spanks
Explore sensations by trying various angles of the hand — if they prefer a thud, the palm works best; If they like a sting, slap with a quick snap of the fingers
Continue to praise and check in with your partner
Breath Play
Breath play is consensually restricting the airflow of your partner (or vice versa) for a brief time. This can be done by having your hand or your partner’s hand tightly cover the nose and mouth to prevent breathing or tightening a hand around the neck to enhance their sexual experience.
Arya Tip: **This is considered a risky kink to explore because it may have the potential to cause permanent injury or death.
Breath play conversation starters:
“I’ve fantasized about you lightly choking me during sex… want to try it?”
“Would it turn you off if I covered your mouth and nose during sex?”
“I saw a porn where they instructed to hold their breath during foreplay, is this something you’d want to play around with?”
Here are three different ways to explore breath play:
Hold your breath: This is the least dangerous way to explore breath play. Your partner (or you) will instruct the other to hold their breath and only allow them to intake air when given the command. This is the least dangerous because ultimately the person holding their breath has control of their breathing and can decide to breathe at any time if panic sets in.
Hand over mouth & nose: This is an easy introduction because you’re not putting pressure on the throat or neck. If covering both is intimidating, start by only covering the mouth or the nose.
Light Choking: To properly and safely choke your partner, you must apply pressure to the carotid artery. This runs down the throat to the chest. The sweet spot is slightly below your partner’s jawline, closer to the ear than their chin. Apply pressure lightly — with a slow pulsing pattern. Be gentle! Remember the throat is a super sensitive area. If done correctly, this should not cause bruising.
Arya Breath Play DON’Ts
DO NOT smother your partner with an object (or your body) — ensure you can maintain a visual of their face and monitor their breathing.
DO NOT wrap or tie anything around your partner’s neck.
DO NOT ignore safe words or signs they’re having issues with their breathing — this is NOT the time to push through uncomfortable feelings.
DO NOT put pressure on the trachea (windpipe).
DO NOT try to move or pull your partner’s neck while you’re choking them.
DO NOT begin by choking them in a hard or aggressive manner, instead, build intensity and when you’re both ready for it, experiment with a firmer grip.
Don’t worry, this kink doesn’t make you ‘weird’
According to a 2018 study, 93% of participants endorsed exploring airflow restriction during sexual experiences. Here’s why…
They thought choking was erotic
They believed it increased the level of trust between partners
They viewed their partner as being sexy for wanting to try something new
They found pleasure in the risk of panic
They increased the intensity of their orgasm
They had kinky curiosity