Finding Power in Submission

The stereotype we’re used to when it comes to sexual roles is that a man is typically in control. He tosses his partner around, he orders her what to do, and he is the one to set the tone for the whole experience.

While dominating your partner can definitely be sexy and hot, sometimes you might want to be the one who is dominated. Sometimes, you might be the one who wants to let your partner explore your body and focus their attention on bringing you pleasure.

The word ‘submissive,’ when used in Scenes involving more of a power dynamic, tells us that you are surrendering your power to your partner. It can be intimidating to let go and allow yourself to feel vulnerable; however, letting go of control during sex with your partner can be just as empowering as taking control.

Here are some of our experts’ favorite tips:

Redefine the Meaning of ‘Submissive’

The first step in successfully letting go of control in the bedroom is finding out what being submissive means to you, specifically. If you’re feeling hesitant and insecure about submitting to your partner because you’re not used to it, instead, think about submission as a form of being in total power.

You are willingly giving your partner control. You are asking them to take care of you. When you do that, you’re the one in control, even if you willingly surrender yourself to your partner.

Besides, imagine how it would feel to have your partner dedicate all of their focus to you and your desires. Your partner is there to serve you and ensure that you have an unforgettable time, even if your hands are tied to the headboard.

Focus on Her Pleasure

Another way to explore the concept of losing control in the bedroom is to surrender yourself to her pleasure for the night. Let your partner be the one to tell you how she wants you to pleasure her. It can be a great soft introduction to power play, and give you a taste of what it feels like to be a more submissive partner.

Communicate

It’s okay to feel out of balance when you think about letting go of control in the bedroom. What can help you feel more connected with your partner and make your sexual exploration go smoother is to communicate how you feel about it with your partner.

Share your thoughts and opinions honestly with them. Explain how the idea of being submissive in the bedroom makes you feel, what things you’re comfortable trying, and what things are a hard no.

It’s also important to have a safeword in place! Check out our guide for choosing your safeword for more information.

Is it your desire to let your partner take the reins of this Scene?

Even though many women are turned on by dominant male partners, it doesn’t mean that relinquishing your sense of control always comes naturally.

Curious about how to surrender control to your partner as a woman? Here are some things you might want to consider:

Communicate

It's common to have feelings of nervousness when thinking about giving up control in the bedroom. Communicating your feelings to your partner might help you feel more connected to them and make your sexual exploration go more smoothly.

Honestly express your concerns and opinions to your partner. Describe how you feel about the idea of being submissive to them in bed, what you feel comfortable experimenting with, and what you would never want to do, under any circumstances.

We also suggest having a safeword in place! (See our article on choosing a safeword for more information.)

Test the Waters

While you’re kissing in foreplay, let your partner gently take control as you ease yourself into releasing your inhibitions for this Scene.

As an example, your partner may move your hands and hold them behind your head without a word. Then, they might use your hand to touch and caress their body. Check in with one another and keep that open line of communication, so that you’re both comfortable and excited about what’s to come!

Allow Your Partner to Lead You

This is your chance to release control and let your partner guide you. Trust that they have your pleasure at the forefront of their mind and allow them to use their body to move and control yours, from a soft touch to being lifted and moved to a new location or position. Let your partner focus on making your pleasure a priority.