Choosing a Safeword
A safeword is a single word or brief phrase that is used to express the desire to stop engaging in sexual activity. While it’s frequently utilized in BDSM to promote safe play between participants, it can also be used to increase safety and improve communication during other sexual activities including fun, explorative playtime!
With this in mind, choosing a safeword is not only essential for practicing safe and consensual sex play with your partner, it’s also a great way to level up your bedroom communication skills. That’s why we’re here to share all the ins and outs with you.
Choosing a Safeword
Choosing a safeword doesn’t have to be a challenge. If you clearly understand, in the heat of the moment that your partner wants to slow down or stop the activity completely, you’re set.
This means that keeping things simple with words like “no more,” “stop,” and “I need a break” is perfectly suitable, as long as both you and your partner understand that these mean to STOP (and are not part of role-playing, for example).
If you want to be more creative with your safeword selection, some tips for picking the right word are as follows:
It should be a word that's easy to say and to understand (nothing too long, complicated, or that could be misheard)
It should be easy to remember
It should stand out in the middle of sex, and not be easily confused with other sex talk
It should be something you both agree means ‘stop’
Bonus points if it’s funny
A safeword can (and should) be used in a variety of sexual settings, including trying out adventurous new sex positions, sensation play (particularly when incorporating temperature changes, whips, nipple clamps, and other items), and even to indicate that you need a break. Sometimes, it can even be used to flag that you need a quick break to reapply some extra lube or take a sip of water!
You can shout the ever-popular “pineapple”...but the traffic light system is an easy intro to using safewords during your sexual explorations.
Red for “stop” and yellow for “slow down”. And Green for “Yes, more!”.
As you continue to explore new kinks and sexual scenes, you will learn more about your partner. The trust you’ll develop will create a bond. Over time, you’ll find you’re able to decipher their “ooohhhs”, “aaaahhhs”, and “ouches”, as guides to your playtime. Pay attention to their body language and facial expressions – not everyone is good at vocalizing their needs (try practicing your safewords so you feel comfortable using them).
The most important thing about safewords isn’t which word you choose. It’s about ensuring you and your partner are on the same page and understand your safewords’ meanings before play begins.
Safeword Examples
Need for a safeword? Try…
Pineapple
Orange
Daisy
Cheese
Bertha
And don’t forget to discuss non-verbal safewords (for those ultra-erotic times when speaking is limited or impossible). These non-verbal cues will alert your partner to your needs.
3 Blinks: You can use this for “Red” or “Yellow”
You need the play to be slowed to a stop.
3 Taps: You can use this for “Red” or “Yellow”
You need a break or a quick reposition.
Arya Tip: It can be hard to remember your safewords or maybe you feel guilty using them. These are ALL normal feelings! We recommend practicing them during a sexual experience. Practice using each one, talking about them, and then, keep going!
