Letting Loose with Your Partner

Whether you have been together for a few months or a few years, opening up to your partner can be difficult. Some of us find strength in vulnerability and a sense of deep connection when sharing intimate feelings or desires. Even still, the thought of having to break down our walls and share our feelings may trigger cold sweats and anxious discomfort.

Usually, the source of the anxiety comes down to one of three general roots: a fear of disrupting the status quo, worrying about your partner’s reaction, or feeling embarrassed by your own needs. But the research is clear on this: sharing your needs is the best and sometimes the only way to get them met.

Luckily, wanting to create a greater sense of openness with your partner does not need to feel like hard work or intense therapy. There is no singular “right way” to communicate with your partner. For many couples, the most common barriers to effective communication about sex can be overcome by setting up a non-judgmental and experimental space for each partner to express their desires.

The key here is to collaborate. After all, fun and fulfilling sex require both partners to buy into whatever you’re exploring together. You don’t have to be interested in everything your partner wants to try, but part of being in a relationship means trying to find something both of you would be open to exploring together!

Getting to know each other through gameplay and playful conversation can take the pressure off digging deeper. These light but informative conversations can be as funny as they are intimate, as silly as they can be sensual. You have control to determine just how deep you want to go.

Here are a few quick tips to help get the dice rolling:

Listening is Sexy

We all want to be the best possible partners and lovers that we can be, and there is one hard and fast method to get you there: LISTENING. You probably saw this one coming from a mile away, but being an engaged listener is one of the most fundamental ways to upgrade your erotic and intimate life.

Stripped & Teased is designed to be an invitation for you to ask questions and hear what your partner likes, desires, and needs in your relationship. Your partner’s desires shouldn’t be locked behind a fear of judgment or desperately searching for the right time to share. Listen to each other, acknowledge what’s being said, and let these moments of unabashed honesty reinforce your connection.

Want to be a better listener?

• Get Rid of Distractions! Turn off your phones, tablets, and TVs in order to give your partner your undivided attention.

• Use Non-Verbal Communication. Nod, make eye contact, or extend a hand to hold or touch your partner as they open up and share with you.

• Seek Clarification. If you’re unclear on what your partner said, try repeating what you heard with the prompt, “What I think you’re saying is… Is that right?” and give your partner the opportunity to clarify.

• Avoid Interruptions. It is easy to get excited and want to jump to commenting on something your partner is saying, but try to wait until your partner falls silent before responding. It will be worth it to give them the space to share with you, uninterrupted.

Be Playful

If you are relaxed enough to laugh and play together, it becomes easier to talk openly, as well. Humor is allowed, even when you’re sharing something “serious.” In fact, it can be a boon to collaborative communication; shared laughter lends itself to partners feeling more comfortable and at ease when the topic at hand may be anxiety-provoking. Think of it like a pressure valve to let off some of that anxious steam!

That said, here are some important rules for how to stay playful without sacrificing meaningful communication:

• Never make jokes at the expense of your partner. While this may work at other times, now is not one of them. Vulnerability requires risk-taking and revealing something you may feel insecure about.

• Shared jokes are always #CoupleGoals. If you can play into a joke or story both of you feel “in” on, it helps build camaraderie and collaboration!

Sharing is Caring

Did you know the average time it takes a couple to seek therapy for an issue is 6 years after the issue first arose? Moral of the story: If you have a want or need that is important to you, set aside time to discuss it with your partner and do it ASAP.

While it can be scary to rock the boat, if the ship has a leak or is a little off-course, it’s far more important to address those needs now rather than wait until your relationship is underwater or lost at sea. That said, nerves can get the best of us, so here are some tips to make sharing easier.

In her book Getting It, sex educator Allison Moon offers these four little words as an easy prompt to express what you want in the bedroom: I have an idea! For example: “Hey, I have an idea! How about we shop for a new toy to try together this week?” But it can also work outside the bedroom: “Babe, I have an idea! How does a drive-in movie date sound this week?”

Being the first one in a relationship to share intimate desires or be open about what you want can make us feel vulnerable. Thankfully, vulnerability is a two-way street—accept that your partner may feel a little awkward or scared too! Trust they will come back to the table and talk eventually even if they “freak out” in the moment. The safer you feel with your partner, the more you’ll want to share with them.

The truth is, your partner probably knows more than a few of your so-called embarrassing traits and has most likely seen you in a couple of compromising positions… And we think that’s pretty great! It means your partner sees you, and we mean all of you, and they accept you for you.

So, why not lean into the fun of being your authentic self? Just because you don’t want to hurt your partner, doesn’t give you permission to conceal important desires. If what you’re sharing affects your relationship or sexual satisfaction, be honest (not cruel), and let them know.

Showing you trust your partner through honesty and intimate conversation creates a precedent in your relationship. You are setting a foundation of trust that can last a lifetime together.

So, try to let loose, be a little bit silly, and continue playing together! Ultimately, you're just giving your partner more sides of your personality to love.